


Bruised Knuckles

by nothing_special



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Connor is trying his best, Don't punch walls, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I lov procrastinating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, and treebros, evan being a supportive boyfriend, evan just wants to love and support connor, larry is a dick and Cynthia tries at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 11:13:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11251950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothing_special/pseuds/nothing_special
Summary: The first few times Connor did it, two of his knuckles bruised. The light green and purple mark looked ugly and it hurt, but he stayed quiet.





	Bruised Knuckles

The first few times Connor did it, two of his knuckles bruised. The light green and purple mark looked _ugly_ and it hurt, but he stayed quiet. Mostly. At one point he had to fess up. His mother had noticed his bruised knuckles and insisted he tell her what happened. As bad as Cynthia was at helping Connor, he knew she was trying harder than Larry and he hated making her upset. So he talked. He told her how he was frustrated and hadn't known what to do. He told her how he punched the wall six times and tried not to yell. He remembered the way that her eyes filled with tears and he flinched when she hugged him.

Larry knew, and Connor knew that. The only time he'd commented on it was one day when he'd picked him and Zoe up from school. Even then, he'd only gotten a look of disdain along with a,

“You shouldn't do that, Connor.”

Connor had promised himself he wouldn't do it again. Or at least he'd promised his mother. Though he knew there was only a matter of time before he did it again. A week later, his bruised hand had healed. He had not. When another bout of verbal abuse had begun between his family, he did what had worked before.

He was careful. He tried to keep the hits to his wall quiet. His hands hurt and he shook as tears of frustration dripped down his face and onto the floor. It wasn't enough, but he stopped. He kept doing it after that, but the pain wasn't the same as before. His unbruised knuckles didn't hurt when he made a fist, and they didn't send pain through his hand.

It didn't hurt like it did the first time and he hated it. His reddened knuckles only hurt briefly and though he had scrapes on them, they didn't cause enough pain to make him forget. Plus, nobody noticed anyway. He could do as he pleased. All of his ‘friends’ were too wound up in their own heads to notice. Or maybe they just didn’t care. It sounded much more probable to Connor. So he stopped caring too, and he continued that way for a long time.

Until he met Evan.

Evan was anxious and short and he always looked like he wanted to disappear, but he was Evan and he was perfect.

They’d met at the old apple orchard where Connor had found Evan laying at the base of a tree. He’d just been staring up at the sky with a panicked look in his eyes and tears staining his face. Connor remembered seeing the way Evan’s chest heaved as he gasped for breath.

For the first time in a long time Connor had felt compelled to do something other than stand there and watch the world pass by. He remembered the way Evan gasped out,

“I fell, I’m so sorry, so so sorry”

Connor had held him to his chest and mustered up all of his strength to carry him to his car.

It wasn’t until a year later that Connor learned what had really happened that day. Despite it having been a year since then, Connor always felt his heart drop every time Evan seemed to be at his worst. He tried his best to help. He was careful to ask if he could touch Evan while he was mid panic, and he always had a stash of Evan’s favorite snacks ready for him afterwards. It wasn't easy for either of them, but Connor didn't care.

Evan wanted to be there for Connor too, but unlike him, Connor was silent. He didn’t speak about the way he felt, only helped. Evan wasn’t going to force him to speak. He’d be there if Connor ever had to talk about his feelings, and he’d be there for him even if he didn’t.

So when Connor showed up at Evan’s house at midnight with bruised and scraped knuckles, Evan didn’t say a word. He led Connor to the couch making sure he sat down before leaving to get some cotton balls and some rubbing alcohol. He was careful as he cleaned the scrapes, some of which were trickling a little bit of blood, and he didn’t speak until Connor did.

When Connor spoke of the yelling and the cursing that plagued his home life, Evan listened. When his voice cracked as he blamed himself for everything that had happened, Evan reminded him that it wasn’t all of his fault, that everyone in his family had a part in it. When Connor lurched forwards, wrapping his arms around Evan and sobbing into his chest, Evan kissed the top of his head and told him that he could stay the night and that he wouldn't let go until Connor wanted him to. As Heidi walked into the house at 1 am, Evan looked up at her with tired eyes as he held Connor’s sleeping body close to him.

Nothing was okay for either of them, but they had each other and they were both trying their best.

That was enough. 


End file.
